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Monday, July 15, 2013

Back to square one.


You thought the storm, 
the ocean, the fear, the sadness, 
the mistakes, the loss, the brokenness was all bad for you. 

But really it was only a means. 

It was all a vehicle to make you seek Him. 

To bring you back. 

To bring you back to completion, to happiness, to life. 

To bring you back to where you began. 

To bring you back to all that you really seek.

To bring you back to Him.



- Yasmin Mogahed





When I made my first baby step in this path of DnT, it was such a great challenge - so much difficult and painful. I cried my heart out, I yelled, I screamed but only to HIM - The One and Only. The Most Gracious and Most Merciful. The One who never fails to understand me, to sooth me, to love me and to bring me through the storm and thunder which He brought me to. Indeed, to change is to strive -To strive is to struggle - To struggle is to suffer -To suffer is to find the true meaning of love - The Love that made us who we are today.  It was all around 4 years back. When I first realized that this life means more than what I used to think it was. Now, those pain, blood and tears seems worth it! Those pain were part of my tarbiyyah -  in this university of life.  


After 4 years filled with a little ups and down, Allah made a rough spin on me. This year - though it has not come to an end, it has caused me more than the space I have in my heart - I thought. One after another, things were chasing after me. I hardly found a real time to breath- Hardly. In the virtue of searching the real understanding of Islam, Allah surprises me with unexpected things. The first time I fell hard, I told my self to be strong and to get up. It scratched me a little but I stood up again. 


As I was just about to walk,   a storm came by. It bleeds this time and I was left with a marked  scar. It was so much painful that I trembled -calling for The God that I use to love - calling for the One that always listen - calling for the Power that always heels - calling for my Rabb! I started to loose my grip and my knees were too shaken to back myself up. I was helpless. I was hopeless. I gave myself a laid-back. I let my heart cried again like I used to - 4 years ago. I let it out! Just let it out! As the scar started to heal, I slowly regained my strength. I was determined to jump out of the painful road and Alhamdulillah!  I made it - I thought. I was able to had a glimpse on the history - full of misery and I whispered to myself ; 








"You'd never knew you could do this!"



Not too long till God sent me another thunder. and this time, it's not funny. I had the sense that He means something serious. Probably, from the dua' that I made every single day - He's showing His mercy in His way. The scar re-bleeds. This, has somehow made me realized that the scar was not well healed. It's an important sign to be given to me - to thoroughly purify my heart and my soul. I never had the thought that life could be this painful till at this present moment. However, because of all these pain that were painted in my life story, I am now able to re-experience the special feeling that I used to have - 4years ago. It feels almost the same. Almost. The feeling which tells you 

" HE loves you. He misses you. Thus, cry and call for your Lord! HE's there with you!"





These pain are - TARBIYAH. 
A tarbiyyah which is directly design from my Lord
A tarbiyyah which is send from my Lord

-to His sinful servant
- ME 

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Monday, November 12, 2012

Aku Maafkan Kamu



Assalamualaikum! :)

I just heard this song in my brother's car recently. Never heard of it before, thus don't even realized it has been published for almost a year ago. Indeed, the lyric is something. SOMETHING that this rapper trying to highlight it to fellow Malaysian. I guess so, from my personal interpretation. But hey! It's a good song to ponder on :) By the way, good songs aren't necessarily nasyeed :P

*Chills!

Jamal Abdillah – Aku Maafkan Kamu feat. Malique Ibrahim


Ada teratak di hujung kampung
Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak
Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung
Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak
Atur sepuluh daktil batal yang batil
Detik dua usul ditutup satu lagi tampil
Dari halaman rusuk kiri satu susuk ganjil
Minta diisolasi dari dalil busuk jahil
Aspirasi tak serasi dengan suara bunyi
Inkarserasi dari penghuni dan keluarga bumi
Surat wasiatnya atas paksi dalam rumi
Minta dikebumikan hidup-hidup dalam guni
Mana cepat terbang atau warna gelang tangan
Buah fikiran aneh tergantung di persimpangan
Halusinasi susuli ketandusan ihsan
Ubat parut auditori kesan artileri insan
Gagal dikesan
Aku maafkan kamu
Tak perlu kita bertemu
Cukup kau tahu
Yang aku
Maafkan kamu
Tolong teruskan hidup
Jangan sebut namaku
Timbul tenggelam, timbul tenggelam
Acapkali terpendam, acapkali tersergam
Cermin muka kopak penuh bintik hitam silam
Ini bukan lagu rindu ini madah dendam
Kutimbang tanpa neraca di awal usia
Ku dihukum masuk neraka oleh manusia
Minta tunjuk lubang atau pintu tak dapat jawapan jitu
Jadi aku tak berganjak biarkan saja begitu
Maafkan mereka, mereka tidak tahu
Mereka tidak ramas buku, mereka segan ilmu
Mereka tidak fasih malah fasik guna kata
Kita kongsi nama bangsa tapi tidak kasta bahasa
Maafkan mereka, mereka tiada nilai
Ibu bapa lalai dari kecil dah diabai
Tanpa kasih sayang, mereka suka menyakiti
Kita kongsi warna mata tapi tidak warna hati
Atas kepala murai sekawan
Mari ku ramit kucup lehernya
Terlalu rahi dendam di angan
Sampai terkacip mulut mahirnya
Aku maafkan kamu
Tak perlu kita bertemu
Cukup kau tahu
Yang aku
Maafkan kamu
Tolong teruskan hidup
Jangan sebut namaku
Jangan ahli sihir seru nama maharaja
Nanti segerombolan hantu bisu yang menjelma
Guna hak berfikir sebelum hak untuk bersuara
Kalau terpelajar sila guna hak miranda
Pura-pura dengar, telan tapi tidak hadam
Hafaz bila lafaz tapi mereka tidak faham
Mereka mula kiri, aku kanan bila baca
Sudah mahir rumi, mari tafsir alif ba ta
(Alif)
Ada teratak di hujung kampung
(Ba)
Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak
(Ta)
Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung
Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak
Ada teratak di hujung kampung
Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak
Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung
Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak
Aku maafkan kamu
Tak perlu kita bertemu
Cukup kau tahu
Yang aku
Maafkan kamu
Tolong teruskan hidup
Jangan sebut namaku
Ada teratak di hujung kampung
Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak
Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung
Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak

Ternyata kamu lebih suci dari apa yang kubayangkan


Katak bawah tempurung pernah dengar.

Katak bawah tempurung dalam kotak yg duduk bawah cermin kopak di teratak hujung kampung?

WOW! 

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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Jeritan hati.



Assalamualaikum

Tatkala menulis ini, aku diselubungi banyak masalah. Masalah peribadi, masalah study (research project), masalah kewangan, masalah kesihatan.
Tapi semua ini tak dapat tandingi rasa kerisauan di hati, iaitu anak-anak singa da'wah. Allah!

Rasa bersalah menyelubungi hati tatkala terlalu tegas dengan adik-adik. Rasa bersalah jugak kalau terlalu manjakan mereka. lagi tak tahu dimana salah kalau tidak dapat mendidik kefahaman yang kukuh kepada mereka. Allahurabbi!

Lagi setahun setengah sebelum berganjak dari bumi Ipoh. Sungguh aku risau. Kita tolak tepi dgn urusan housemenship dimana atau org asyik bertanya bila nak khawin dan cari pasangan. lagi risau nak graduate tapi seperti terlalu tidak bersedia. double risau dengan research project yang macam-macam masalah dengan JKM. 


Tolak tepi!


Apa deligasi da'wah aku dan rakan-rakan ku akan tinggalkan? tersiat hati tatkala tak mapu nak jawab soalan ini. Hanya Allah yg tahu bertapa kami mahukan kesinambungan yg kukuh. bertapa kami mahukan bumi rcmp terus dihujani dengan bentukan bulatan-bulatan gembira yang membawa ke syurga! Itu yang kami mahukan, tapi apa kuasa yang kami ada? ALLAH!

Bertambah jeritan dihati apabila generasi pertama da'wah kami akan beredar kurang dari 6 bulan dari sekarang. Allah ! berat sungguh beban di bahu  mahu melepaskan para murabbi yg jugak merangkap kakak2 yang disayangi. Rasa malu kerana tidak mampu mendidik generasi baru seperti mana mereka mendidik kami. Malu! Mugkin kerana hatiku tidak seikhlas mereka. Mugkin kerana ibadah ku tidak sehebat mereka. Mugkin kerana ilmuku tidak cukup di dada. mugkin kerana pergantungan ku dengan Allah tidak cukup sempurna.


Sungguh, ini adalah kesakitan yg amat nyata.
Kesakitan ini antara yg paling perit aku rasa. 


Ya! aku tahu. kenapa perlu bersusah payah? banyak lagi golongan yang menggerakkan da'wah sehingga ada yang berebut rebutan. Tapi, tatkala org lain bersungguh-sungguh mencari syurga, di mana kita? hanya menjadi penonton atau tukang sorak? kalau kita mahu jadi yang terbaik dimata manusia, kenapa kita tidak mahu jadi yang terbaik dimata Allah? 


#Apa agaknya nanti aku nak jawab dengan ALLAH SWT ?


Aku tetap percaya suatu hari nanti, pelangi pastikan muncul juga.


" So verily, with the hardship, there's relief"
(94:5)
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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Chanteq

Assalam.

Nak bagi luaran nampak cantik? 
Ini, sangat senang. 
Sebab tu ramai yang bertungkus lumus.
Ramai jugak yang terpedaya.

Nak bentuk hati yang cantik?
Yang ini, bukan senang.
Sebab tu ramai yang mengalah.
Ramai jugak yang tak ambil kisah.

Tapi, bukan kah yang susah itu lebih mahal?
Yang susah itu jugalah bertahan lama.

#susahnya Ya Rabbi! -_-'


Meet my little cousin, Zalia, 4 year old :)

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Start a new!

Assalamualaikum
and good day. 

I have been missing from this " blogging world "  for quite sometimes. My laptop somehow had a security alert so I was unable to open up my blogger and email. I have a lot of things to share though. Don't really know whether there are still readers to my blog. 

Having to be unable to access to my blog somehow has open up eyes in these few months. I guess it's time for little changes. Gotta reduce craps and nonsense babbling here. probably a more beneficial post in the future Insya Allah. 

Earlier on, I had a thought of deleting this blog and make a new one. As usual, this is like an asset to me. I just can't do it. Though there are to many "indecent" stuff here but I've decided to just let it be.

At least for now.

I did my very first post when I was 18. I'm 22 year old this year. 2012 gonna end soon and I'll be 23 by February 11 (I'm giving a small hint here :P) . 23y/o sounds very old to me. humph! and that's the reason why I have to mark up my attitude and become more mature instead. 



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Friday, July 20, 2012

Marhaban ya Ramadhan!




After many sorrow days and night
You finally came
and brought smiles to my heart!

Ramadhan al mubarak everyone!
I feel happpy knowing Ramadhan is visiting me again this year!

ALHAMDULILLAH! :)


No sadness during Ramdhan :)

Wallahua'lam =)
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